Natalie Arber, Fragmented Self (SINGLE SHOT 2025)

At 19, I faced an abrupt transition to adulthood, becoming motherless and losing my grandparents shortly after. As I became my grandmother’s carer, I buried my grief to shield myself from perceived victimhood and the burden of emotional vulnerability. This created an impenetrable armour, which I wore for two decades, masking my true feelings, especially as a mother myself. A recent accusation about my lack of affection following the death of my mother shattered this armour, leaving me exposed and vulnerable. I retreated to my bathroom, my sanctuary, where I began to process the emotions I had long suppressed. It was there, with my camera as my confidant, that I faced the reality of my grief. I realised I had been aiming to repair my armour, but it no longer fit. Acknowledging my need for my mother and embracing my vulnerabilities has led me to a newfound authenticity. My mother’s death has shaped me, and by accepting my longing for her, I am beginning to piece together my fragmented self and one day I might experience wholeness in ways I never imagined.

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